Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw resurfaced in my mind quite spontaneously this evening, but that’s usually how it happens.

It is often a minor detail that sets it off. The trigger today was the sound of paper sticking together as I attempted to leaf through an ancient volume left beside the window for too long. Humidity does that. I paused longer than necessary, pulling the pages apart one at a time, and his name emerged once more, silent and uninvited.

There is a peculiar quality to revered personalities such as his. Their presence is seldom seen in a literal manner. Or perhaps they are perceived only from afar, conveyed via narratives, memories, and fragmented sayings whose origins have become blurred over time. When I think of Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw, he is defined by his absences. The absence of spectacle. The absence of urgency. The absence of explanation. In many ways, these absences are more descriptive than any language

I remember seeking another's perspective on him once Not directly, not in a formal way. Merely an incidental inquiry, as if discussing the day's weather. My companion nodded, smiled gently, and noted “Ah, the Sayadaw… he is very stable.” There was no further explanation given. At the moment, I felt somewhat underwhelmed. Now I think that response was perfect.

It is now mid-afternoon where I sit. The ambient light is unremarkable, devoid of any drama For no particular reason, I am seated on the floor instead of the furniture. Maybe my back wanted a different kind of complaint today. My thoughts return to the concept of stability and its scarcity. Wisdom is a frequent topic of discussion, yet steadiness seems more difficult to achieve. Wisdom allows for admiration from a remote vantage point. Steadiness has to be lived next to, day after day.

Throughout his years, Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw endured vast shifts Changes in politics and society, the gradual decay and rapid reconstruction which defines the historical arc of modern Burma. Yet, when individuals recall his life, they don't emphasize his perspectives or allegiances They focus on the consistency of his character. It was as though he remained a stable anchor while the world shifted around him. How one avoids rigidity while remaining so constant is a mystery to me. Achieving that equilibrium seems nearly unachievable.

There’s a small moment I keep replaying, though I can’t even be sure it really happened the way I remember it. A bhikkhu meticulously and slowly adjusting his attire, as though he were in no hurry to go anywhere else. It might have been another individual, not Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw. People are often blurred together in the landscape of memory. However, the emotion associated with it persisted. The feeling of being unburdened by the demands of society.

I find myself questioning the personal toll of being such an individual. I do not mean in a grand way, but in the small details of each day. Those silent concessions that are invisible to the more info external observer. Forgoing interactions that might have taken place. Allowing false impressions to persist without rebuttal. Letting others project their own expectations onto your silence. I don’t know if he thought about these things. Perhaps he was free of such concerns, and maybe that's the key.

I notice dust on my fingers from the old volume. I remove the dust without much thought. Composing these thoughts seems somewhat redundant, in a positive sense. Not everything needs to have a clear use. Sometimes, the simple act of acknowledgement is enough. that specific lives leave a profound imprint. without ever attempting to provide an explanation. Tharmanay Kyaw Sayadaw feels like that to me. A presence felt more than understood, and maybe meant to stay that way.